I don't know how we got here after all we passed through right? I think it was a bit of a trip, something we never imagined happening to us. Today the sun rises across Barranca de Oblatos with summer rain and a rainbow with sadness at the end of it.

This day will be tough, and I'm in a different way with you now. Taking a part that belongs to my heart in a space where you remain from now on. I'm missing you at home, and your smile when I wake up in bed, but this letter is just a little piece of the space you left.

Finding anything that could remind me of you to upload here is possibly the hardest thing I ever done in my life. In the beginning, I tried to think about our start at El Beso Prohibido Club. We danced close listening to Selena, and all the rest seemed to disappear with Aunque No Salga El Sol playing.

Then I remembered our family banning us from talking. Even if it was exciting to keep things below the carpet while chatting online with our webcams, they discovered and throw us out of our houses. Just because two fucking girls fell deeply in love. So stupid...

But everything felt so bright after right? Even if we had to pay a lot for that tiny apartment in the suburbs, I'd already seen what you wanted, a waitress targeting the chef's table. And me? Just a rock girl that makes tattoos and drinks at the bar.

We kept strong and tough, facing any challenge, but the world was still a terrible place. Everywhere we'd go people looked at us as freaks, and it's almost impossible to take out my head the uncountable times we exit bars, restaurants, and public spaces.

Life was heavy, but you were always keeping things calm, even if the world was almost exploding. You had the ability and motivation to keep dreaming and hoping for the better. And to finish, you proposed to me one of the most beautiful gifts in life, our Julio.

Even if we had money, a good apartment, and stability in our jobs, all the clinics refused to attend a lesbian couple to make in vitro fertilization. But after all the problems to accomplish, what would be a simple dream for others, we still had to make our own way. Fucking exhausting.

However, with everything solved in our jobs, home, and family, now you are gone and I just fucking hate my life. I wanted to kill that stupid bastard driving that shitty truck. It looks like we always had to be prepared for practically everything, even death.

When I was crying in my spot, our son touched my back asking for those stupid delicious enchiladas you used to make every Monday night. Just to begin the week and "ponerle sabor", as you always said. And I wouldn't hesitate.

We've gone through all the ingredients in your recipe book, and if it wasn't for Julio, I'd never make the whole thing alone. I wish you could look at him doing things so precisely, just like when you started your cooking classes. Because he missed his mama, he said.

Mass, a very very spicy sauce with chicken, and obviously your favorite cheese, the caciocavallo, wasn't enough to smell the same. It made me sad, desperate, and angry fighting with the oven. How could I keep going without you, if I couldn't make a simple thing?

Julio stopped and hugged me for a while and said that I was forgetting something to finish Mama Gabriela's plate. I look into his eyes, and he extended that green mixed condiment you used all the time. How he could be so focused in this situation, you know? How?

After adding your special touch, everything felt complete, and we could finish one of your ingenious creations. Something similar to everything but different in a special way. A smell we thought could represent a part of your passion for the world to upload in this cemetery.

We calibrate the smell and add your most beautiful photos with some stupid ones that I love so much. We add our first videos with Julio and wrote your beautiful history in the world. To finish, we put some candles, Calaveras, and our first song together Aunque No Salga El Sol.

Saying goodbye will never fill the empty space you are opening in my heart. But our beautiful son helped us to choose good moments in our life since he's a fruit of it. And now, we are uploading everything on this crazy place that shines like a rainbow, to remember and feel a little bit closer to you.

This can be a goodbye from what you left, but dreams don't die, and yours are inside my heart as our memories from the past. I will keep my forces strong to give Julio the life you always wanted for him. Thanks so much, my eternal dream girl. See you next time.

En mis suenos, siempre estás tú conmigo.

- Antonia Maria Lopez February 10, 2027